Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Make a Difference


A man was walking down a deserted Mexican beach at sunset. As he walked along he began to see another man in the distance.
As he grew nearer he noticed that the local native kept leaning down, picking something up, and throwing it out into the water. Time and again he kept hurling things out into the ocean.
As our friend approached even closer he noticed that the man was picking up starfish that had washed up onto the beach, and one at a time, he was throwing them back into the ocean.

The first man was puzzled. He approached the man and said, "Good Evening Friend, I was wondering what are you doing?" And he replied, "I'm throwing these starfish back into the ocean. You see, it's low tide right now and all these starfish have been washed up onto the shore. If I don't throw them back into the sea, they will die from the lack of oxygen."
"I understand," my friend replied "but there must be thousands of starfish on this beach and you couldn't possibly get to all of them. There are simply too many and don't you realize that this is happening on hundreds of beaches up and down this coast ... can't you see that that you can't possibly make a difference?
The local native smiled, bent down, picked up yet another starfish ... and as he threw it back out into the sea, he replied, "It made a difference to that one!"
You may feel like you cannot make a difference in the world today, but you CAN make a difference in one life at a time.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

During my second month of school, our professor gave us a quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: 'What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?" Surely this was some kind of joke.
I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-and in her 50s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.
Absolutely, said the professor. "In your careers you will meet people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say hello". I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.

God's Coffee


A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some
expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said:

"If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.

Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink.

What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups... And then you began eyeing each other's cups.

Now consider this: Life is the coffee; the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of Life we live.

Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us."

God brews the coffee, not the cups.......... Enjoy your coffee!

"The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything."


Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Giving Blood


Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at Stanford Hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies, needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes, I'll do it if it will save Liz." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?" Being young, the boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood..




But this shows how truly he loved his sister.

POWER OF WORDS


A group of frogs were travelling through the woods, and two of them fell into a deep pit. All the other frogs gathered aroundthey would never get out. The two frogs ignored the comments and tried to jump up out of the pit. When they saw how deep the pit was, they told the unfortunate frogs other frogs kept telling them to stop, that they were as good as dead. Finally, one of the frogs took heed to what the other frogs were saying and simply gave up. He fell down and died. The other frog however continued to jump as hard as he could. Once again, the crowd of frogs yelled at him to stop the pain and suffering and just die. But to the surprise of one and all, he jumped even harder and finally did come out.

When he got out, the other frogs asked him, "Why did you continue jumping? Didn't you hear us?" It was shocking for them to know that the frog was deaf and all the time he actually thought they were all encouraging him to get out. He did not want to disappoint them and therefore did not give him up till the end.

This story teaches two lessons:

There is the power of life & death in the tongue. An encouraging word to someone who is down can lift them up and help them make it through the day.
A destructive word to someone who is down can be what it takes to kill them.

Be careful of what you say. Speak life to those who cross your path. The power of words ... it is sometimes hard to understand. An encouraging word can go such a long way. Anyone can speak words that tend to rob another of the spirit to continue in difficult times. Special is the individual who will take the time to encourage another.

Be special to others.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

VERY TOUCHING


My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders.

Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now ransformed into the cause of all my restlessness.

I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband, is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love.

One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

"Why?" he asked, shocked. "I am tired, there are no reasons for everything in the world!" I answered. He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times. My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can't even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him? And finally he asked me:" What can I do to change your mind?"

Somebody said it right, it's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him. Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered : "Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let's say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?" He said :" I will give you your answer tomorrow...." My hopes just sank by listening to his response.


I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes.... My dear, "I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further.." This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.


"When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs. You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you. You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save my eyes to show you the way. You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every month, I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy.

You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom. You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails, and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand... and tell you the color of flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face... Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and die.. "


My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting... and as I continue on reading... "Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk... I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread....


Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone...


That's life, and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form.. . flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... and that's our life... Love, not words win arguments...



CRACKED POT


A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on the end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots was perfectly made and never leaked. The other pot had a crack in it and by the time the water bearer reached his master's house it had leaked much of it's water and was only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you." "Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?" "I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get full value from your efforts," the pot said.
The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path."
Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again the pot apologized to the bearer for its failure.
The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house."
Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots. But if we will allow it, God will use our flaws to grace his table. In God's great economy, nothing goes to waste. Don't be afraid of your flaws. Acknowledge them, and you too can be the cause of beauty. Know that in our weakness we find our strength.

REAL MEANING OF PEACE


There once was a king who offered a prize to the artist who would paint the best picture of peace. Many artists tried. The king looked at all the pictures. But therewere only two he really liked, and he had to choose between them.
One picture was of a calm lake. The lake was a perfect mirror for peaceful towering mountains all around it. Overhead was a blue sky with fluffy white clouds. All who saw this picture thought that it was a perfect picture of peace.
The other picture had mountains, too. But these were rugged and bare. Above was an angry sky, from which rain fell and in which lightning played. Down the side of the mountain tumbled a foaming waterfall. This did not look peaceful at all.
But when the king looked closely, he saw behind the waterfall a tiny bush growing in a crack in the rock. In the bush a mother bird had built her nest. There, in the midst of the rush of angry water, sat the mother bird on her nest - in perfect peace.
Which picture do you think won the prize? The king chose the second picture. Do you know why?
"Because," explained the king, "peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart. That is the real meaning of peace."


SANDS OF FORGIVENESS


A story tells that two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face.
The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand:
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.
They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him.
After he recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone:
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE.
The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now, you write on a stone, why?"
The other friend replied "When someone hurts us we should write it down in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away. But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it."
LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND AND TO CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE.


Friday, July 29, 2011


The Story goes like this..............It's a lovely story of mother. Just read through tillthe end and let the things seep through your skin and you feel every moment of the experience . After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie . She said, "I love you, but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you . "The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work andmy three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally . That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie."What's wrong, are you well?" she asked. My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitationis a sign of bad news . "I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some time with you," I responded. "Just the two of us. " She thought about it for amoment, and then said, "I would like that very much. "That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's. "I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed, "she said, as she got into the car. "They can't wait to hear about our meeting. "We went to a restaurant that, although notelegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips. "It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small, " she said. "Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor, " I responded. During the dinner, we had an agree able conversation -nothing extraordinary but catching up on recent events of each other's life. We talked so much that we missed the movie. As we arrived at her house later, she said, " I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you. " I agreed. "How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home. "Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined, " I answered. A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything for her. Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined. An attached note said: " I paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates - one foryou and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me.I love you, son. "At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: "I LOVE YOU" and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve . Nothing in life is more important than your family . Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till "some other time."

Thursday, July 28, 2011

THE POWER OF THOUGHTS


One day, a yogi and his disciple arrived to the big city. They had no money with them, but they needed food and a place to stay. The disciple was sure that they were going to beg for their food, and sleep in the park at night."There is a big park not far from here. We can sleep there at night", said the disciple. "In the open air?" Asked the yogi."Yes", responded the student.The yogi smiled and said: "No, tonight we are going to sleep in a hotel and eat there too".The student was amazed. "How?""Come and sit down", said the yogi.
They both sat down on the ground and the yogi said:"When you focus your mind intently on any subject, it comes to pass."
The yogi closed his eyes and started to meditate with full concentration. After about ten minutes he got up and started to walk, with his disciple following him. They walked through several streets and alleys, until they arrived to a hotel.
"Come, let's enter inside", the yogi said to his disciple.
They just set foot in the entrance, when a well-dressed man approached them.
"I am the manager of this hotel. You look like traveling swamis and I believe you have no money. Would you like to work in the kitchen, and in return I'll give you food and a place to stay?"
"Fine", responded the yogi.
The disciple was perplexed and asked the yogi: "Did you use any magic? How did you do that?"
The yogi smiled and said, "I wanted to show you how the power of thoughts works. When you think with full and strong concentration about something that you want to happen, and your mind does not resist the subject of your thought, your thought materializes."
"The secret is concentrating, visualizing, seeing details, having faith and projecting mental and emotional energy into the mental scene. These are the general prerequisites. When your mind is empty from thoughts, and only one single thought is allowed to enter, it gains a very great power. One should be very careful with what he thinks. A concentrated thought is powerful, and exerts a very strong influence."
The disciple looked at his teacher and said: "I see that I have to sharpen my concentration in order to be able to use this power."
"Yes, this is the first step", responded the yogi.

Emptying the Sea


Once two partridges, a husband and wife, were going on a trip. Before they left, the wife laid some eggs near the ocean. Then the husband said to the sea, "We are going on a sea voyage. You must take care of these eggs for us. if we don't find the eggs when we return, we'll empty you."
The sea agreed to take care of the eggs, and it kept them safe. A few days later the two partridges came back, but they couldn't find the eggs. They screamed at the sea. The sea wanted to give them the eggs, but it couldn't find them. The birds cursed the sea; they began taking out a drop of water at a time and throwing it on the land.
"We are going to empty you," they said to the sea.
Some little birds saw all this and they asked, "What are you doing?"
The partridges replied, "We are punishing the sea because it didn't keep its promise to look after our eggs."
The little birds thought it was a noble task and they joined the partridges. After a while some big birds took up their cause. They also started taking out water drop by drop. This went on for weeks.
One day, Garuda (a divine bird who carries the great cosmic god Lord Vishnu) came and asked, "What are you doing?"
The birds said, "Can't you see? We are emptying the sea. "
Garuda said, "You fools, how long will this take? You will never be able to do it. The sea is vast, infinite."
But the birds answered, "No, we have determination and perseverance."
Garuda was very surprised and said, "Let me show them Compassion. I'll ask Lord Vishnu to help them. if Vishnu helps, then certainly they will be able to find their eggs. if the eggs are still in good condition, Vishnu will be able to return them. But if they are destroyed, he can do nothing for them."
He went to Vishnu. "Vishnu, I have never seen fools like these. If you really care for fools, then will you do them a favor?" Garuda then told him the whole story.
Vishnu said, "No, they are not fools. They are showing the spirit of patience and perseverance. This is how human beings must try to empty the ignorance-sea, drop by drop. it is what seekers must and should do. The ignorance-sea is vast. If sincere seekers want to empty it and replace it with knowledge-light, then they must do it the same way, drop by drop. I am very pleased with these birds. I will command the sea to return the eggs."
Garuda said, "The sea wanted to give them the eggs but it misplaced them and believes they are destroyed."
Vishnu said, "I will use my psychic power to show the sea where they are."
He used his psychic power and the sea immediately found the eggs and returned them to the partridges. Then Vishnu said to the birds, "Perseverance, patience and self-giving all are of paramount importance to fulfill one's divine task. "

Monday, July 25, 2011


A young man applied for a job as a farm hand. When the farmer asked for his qualifications, he said, "I can sleep when the wind blows." This puzzled the farmer. But he liked the young man and hired him. A few days later, the farmer and his wife were awakened in the night by a violent storm. They quickly began to check things out to see if all was secure. They found the shutters of the farmhouse had been securely fastened. A good supply of logs had been sat next to the fireplace. The young man slept soundly. The farmer and his wife then inspected their property. They found that the farm tools had been placed in the storage shed, safe from the elements. The tractor had been moved into the garage. The barn was properly locked. Even the farm animals were calm. All was well! The farmer then understood the meaning of the young man's words, "I can sleep when the wind blows."

Character as it applies to the smallest of duties brings about an inner peace as evidenced by this story!

Give Your 100%


A boy and a girl were playing together. The boy had a collection of marbles. The girl had some sweets with her. The boy told the girl that he will give her all his marbles in exchange for her sweets. The girl agreed.
The boy kept the biggest and the most beautiful marble aside and gave the rest to the girl. The girl gave him all her sweets as she had promised.
That night, the girl slept peacefully. But the boy couldn't sleep as he kept wondering if the girl had hidden some sweets from him the way he had hidden his best marble.
Moral of the story: If you don't give your hundred percent in a relationship, you'll always keep doubting if the other person has given his/her hundred percent.. This is applicable for any relationship like love, friendship, employer-employee relationship etc., Give your hundred percent to everything you do and sleep peacefully .

Tuesday, May 31, 2011


A giant ship engine failed. The ship's owners tried one expert after another, but none of them could figure but how to fix the engine. Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing ships since he was a young. He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he immediately went to work. He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom. Two of the ship's owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would know what to do. After looking things over, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into life. He carefully put his hammer away. The engine was fixed!
-->A week later, the owners received a bill from the old man for ten thousand dollars.
"What?!" the owners exclaimed. "He hardly did anything!" So they wrote the old man a note saying, "Please send us an itemized bill." The man sent a bill that read: Tapping with a hammer...... ......... ........ $ 2.00 Knowing where to tap......... ......... ........ $ 9,998.00 \

Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort makes all the difference!

Doll and White Roses



I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back.The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old.The Cashier said, "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll."Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny,are you sure I don't have enough money?''The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly.The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to."It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas.She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry.But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there."His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''My heart nearly stopped.The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall."Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me "I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me.""I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister."Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "Suppose we checkagain, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''"OK" he said, "I hope I do have enough." I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!"Then he looked at me and added, "I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!''"I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''"My mommy loves white roses."A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket.I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started.I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a youngwoman and a little girl.The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a criticalstate. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on thelife-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma.Was this the family of the little boy?Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away.I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever.. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister isstill, to this day, hard to imagine.And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.

The value of a man or woman resides in what he or she gives, not in what they are capable of receiving...........


Sunday, May 29, 2011

MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death does us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.


Saturday, March 19, 2011

I was talking with a friend a few days ago, who is pregnant with her first child. We were talking about parenting - how our parents raised us, what we would do differently with our children, what we would keep the same. She was a little apprehensive, a little anxious about being a parent, about being responsible for a child and his or her life.

I remember saying to her, that regardless of how perfectly she may try to raise her child, the child will be screwed up anyway (yes, those were the exact words I used) simply by his or her own interpretation and association of everything that happens in his or her life.

Haven't we all - at some point in our lives - made conclusions and generalisations about something based on one incident alone, and believed that to be true for all cases?

Besides, what makes perfect parenting anyway?

I told her a story that I heard at one of Tony Robbins' events. A story about two Vietnam war veterans who had lost their friends and fellow soldiers in the Vietnam war. Both fought in the same war, both witnessed the loss of their fellow countrymen, both experienced the gruesome act of taking someone else's life. And yet, after the war was over, both led very different lives. 30 years since the war ended, one was depressed, lonely and suicidal; the other happy and healthy, surrounded by a loving family and close friends.

So, what was the difference?

Based on his experience of the war in Vietnam, one man thought, "What is the point of being close to someone? I'll lose them anyway." So he lived his life in bitterness and resentment, fearful of being close to anyone to avoid having to feel the pain of losing them.

The other man, on the other hand, thought, "Life is precious. I have to live it to the fullest and cherish every moment of it." So he lived his life in gratitude, treasuring every moment he has with his loved ones. What a big difference that made.

As I am writing this, I am reminded of a talk given by Mr. Beadsworth, a mathematics teacher during my Cambridge A Levels days. I am reminded of his famous ‘Rainbow Talk', in which he talks, literally, about rainbows.

That talk was held in the auditorium of my old college some 11 years ago, but my most vivid memory of it was when he said, "You and your friend might think you are looking at the same rainbow, but you're not, you are looking at two different rainbows." There is a scientific explanation behind that, of course, but when I think about it now - frequency of light and spectrum aside - it is true that two people may be looking at the same rainbow, and still see them differently.

Nothing has meaning except the meaning you give it. You are responsible for giving meaning to everything that has happened in your life. So, the question is, would you rather be like the first war veteran who lived his life with bitterness, resentment and fear? Or would you rather be like the second, who saw the lessons the war had taught him and created a more empowering meaning for it?

Either way, the good news is that, with awareness, you now have the choice of going back to any incident in your past that may be the source of your pain or suffering now, and create a new, more empowering meaning for it. And if you are a parent, perhaps the greatest gift you can give to your child is that, and also the awareness that they too, can look at their rainbows and make them mean something beautiful and special.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

I Wish You Enough

Recently I overheard a Father and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the Father said, 'I love you, and I wish you enough.'

The daughter replied, 'Dad, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Dad.' They kissed and the daughter left.

The Father walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?" "Yes, I have," I replied. "Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?" ."I am old, and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral," he said. "When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May I ask what that means?'"

He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." He paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, and he smiled even more. "When we said, 'I wish you enough, we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them." Then turning toward me, he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Goodbye."
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them; but then an entire life to forget them. Remember to tell your family and friends that you wish them enough!

To all of you reading this, I wish you enough.

Sharks in Your Life

The Japanese have always loved fresh fish. But the waters close to Japan have not held many fish for decades. So the fishermen had to go further out to sea to catch their supply of fish, the fishing boats got bigger and bigger. The farther the fishermen went, the longer it took to bring in the fish. If the return trip took more than a few days, the fish were not fresh and they lost their fresh taste.

To solve this problem, fishing companies installed freezers on their boats. They would catch the fish and freeze them at sea. Freezers allowed the boats to go farther and stay longer. However, the Japanese could taste the difference between fresh and frozen and they did not like frozen fish.

Also, the frozen fish brought a lower price. So fishing companies installed fish tanks. They would catch the fish and stuff them in the tanks, fin to fin. After a little thrashing around, the fish stopped moving. They were tired and dull, but alive. Unfortunately, the Japanese could still taste the difference; because the fish did not move for days, they lost their fresh-fish taste. The Japanese preferred the lively taste of fresh fish, not sluggish fish.

So how did Japanese fishing companies solve this problem? How do they get fresh-tasting fish to Japan? To keep the fish tasting fresh, the Japanese fishing companies added a small shark to the tanks that the fish were kept in. The shark of course eats a few fish, but most of the fish arrive in a very lively state due to the fact that the fish are challenged.

Moral of the story:
Some of us are also living like fish that have been caught, we give in too easily, and we are not challenged. Some of us could use a Shark in our life. Consider new challenges and problems in your life as a shark - the challenges and problems can keep us motivated and moving forward. Without challenges we can become complacent, find life boring, and become inactive.

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